NOTE: this post was written in 2024. I am just now posting it to clear my archive.

I remember being 16, in my bed in the dark, and witnessing the absolute chaos on Twitter after Taylor Swift wiped out all of her social media to post cryptic looped videos. By that point, it had been three years since Taylor last released an album, and I, like any other Swiftie, was waiting with bated breath for an inkling or hint of new music.

Once she announced Look What You Made Me Do and posted the release date, I was absolutely shook (popular slang at that time) and couldn’t wait for an entire new studio album to be the soundtrack of my life at the time. It’s no secret that Swifties are infamous for having lived through Taylor’s own “eras” alongside with her. In Miss Americana, she even points out how fans typically relate to each new album that comes out. I was one of those fans! In 2017, I was dealing with a lot of unresolved emotions and pain due to my circumstances. I was essentially getting bullied in school and a boy I liked had hurt me badly, so I needed a comeback and motivation. The scrutiny Taylor was going through from 2016-2017 was absolutely brutal and oh so relatable (there it is, that word!) and so when Look What You Made Me Do premiered I decided it would be my anthem for the upcoming months.

Then Reputation was released around the time I started dating someone new. Sadly, that relationship crashed and burned, but at least I could jam out to Getaway Car and convince myself that Taylor Swift herself had been stalking my life which led her to write the genius song with genius Jack Antonoff. Either way, the entirety of Reputation came out during a perfect time of my life in which I was ready to die and come back soon as a badder bitch than before; IE, it was a soundtrack to my reinvention, the same way 1989 once was. …Ready For It? was dedicated to my beaus, I Did Something Bad and Getaway Car told the story of me leaving someone I didn’t really love, Delicate described my everlasting will-we-won’t we- reunions with that one person, Dancing With Our Hands Tied was the direct retelling of that one event that haunted me for years on end, and This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things put my feelings of freedom and no longer giving a fuck into words. The repeating themes of instability and feeling outcasted/judged in Reputation were something I strongly resonated with.

Then Lover dropped, which further expanded on the themes on Reputation. The alternative title of Lover would be Unstable and Rocky Relationship (it heavily annoys me that Swifties are incapable of analyzing Taylor’s albums without using her public narratives as a point of reference, because I remember it being considered the “true love” album despite the lyrics saying otherwise, but that’s a conversation for another time!) Me, being an emotionally unstable and trauma-ridden 18 year old, ate up the album, and it even became my favorite Taylor record for years on end! At that time, I was at the cusp of securing a relationship for myself with someone I spent 2 years torturing with my tantrums, so songs like False God, Paper Rings, Daylight, Afterglow, Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince were my circumantances turned into song form.

Folklore and Evermore were my grief albums. I lost someone I set my eyes on for such a long time that them cutting me out of their life felt like a limb being ripped from my body. I spent endless days spinning Folklore on vinyl and eventually my grief started to work itself out!

Once Taylor released some re-recordings I found myself relating to the albums again and “reinventing” myself even more (of course, nothing was accomplished).

By the time Midnights was announced, I was dealing with many more heartbreaks under my sleeve, as well as realizing my abandonment trauma was deeper than I ever thought. Even worse, my childhood friendships were crumbling down. Because of this, Anti-Hero, Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve, You’re On Your Own Kid, Dear Reader, and in fact the entirety of the album became my bible. I found myself going back to the announcement post from Taylor and reading “we lie awake in love and in fear…” to myself again and again, and wondering if my past pain would ever truly go away.

The Tortured Poets Department marked a new life. A new chapter in my own book. I got into a relationship with someone new and sweet and amazing, and because of that so many of the heartbreak anthems on the record became just filler for me. However, it didn’t stop me from claiming But Daddy I Love Him as my childfree anthem and dedicating Fortnight to my habit of staying in the past.

So everything is dandy right?

The problem now, is that despite Taylor’s music staying somewhat relatable still…she herself just is not. After The Eras Tour blowing up in ticket sales and more horrible takes regarding Taylor has spread among the general population, I’ve found myself less inclined to live my life through Taylor’s albums. I will never forget RED and 1989 detailing my friendship breakup, or Reputation, Lover, Folklore, Evermore, and Midnights being about my growth from late teens into early adulthood. Unfortunately, after getting comfortable in a healthy relationship, and witnessing the way she’s reached billionaire status while parading around some White Americana footballer, I don’t really “see” myself in Taylor Swift anymore. I was never a hugely obsessed fan of her personal life (I have my hot takes), but the music itself starts to show the separation between our social classes and economic statuses.

Personally, I am of the belief that Taylor has unstable relationships because of her own trauma and anxiety. This isn’t just me projecting; Anti Hero and False God are enough to convince people she is clearly tortured. Because of how unstable and stagnant Taylor seems to be (I Can Do It With A Broken Heart) within her own lyrics and new art, I just find myself not being able to live vicariously through her like I used to. I know I am not the only fan who feels this way, because as amazing TTPD is, it was under heavy scrutiny by longtime listeners for regurgitating past feelings, themes and even production from previous albums. I just couldn’t find myself to take the Matty/Joe drama that seriously, especially since it seemed silly and a repeat of the Tom/Calvin mess. In nicest terms it is all very juvenile and boring to witness. Taylor regularly goes out in thousand dollar outfits, flies jets, and is able to go away to “the lakes” when she feels like it. I’m happy for the younger or older Swifties who still feel like Taylor Swift is relatable, however for me I have found myself gravitating to different public figures, artists and albums.

I am aware that I sound deranged by saying I can no longer “live through” Taylor’s life like I used to. However I must add that I grew up neglected and lonely, and because of such I learned to turned to public idols and pop music to lead my life and curate new goals/aesthetics through. It’s sort of second nature at this point, and it hits during times of stress and when I feel I lack direction in life. Taylor Swift was never my “best friend,” however she was a beacon of accomplishment I could strive for and relate to. An idol that would help me further my goals, you could say. Of course, that never changed the emptiness within me.

And with the recurring new records she’s breaking and how much of a cultural icon she’s becoming, it’s gotten hard to care so much about new releases or really anything.

Lately I have been getting into the band Garbage, who is more chill and less publicly open. I am also a new Teddy Sinclair Aka Natalia Kills fan. She decides to stay out of the public eye and is now writing songs with her husband while collecting royalty checks for Happiest Girl and Kiss It Better.

Is my Taylor Swift era over? Maybe.