Taylor Swift usually isn’t the first thing to come to mind when people hear the word ‘ostracized.’ A tall, White Blonde woman with blue eyes is hardly the portrait of a societal failure — however, one cannot discount the feelings of otherness she consistently writes about in her songs. Tracks like Mirrorball, The Lakes, The Lucky One, You’re On Your Own Kid, This Is Me Trying, Cowboy Like Me, and Eldest Daughter (worst song she’s written — okay let me shut my mouth) all detail the multifaceted sculpture of a singer blessed with fame but tortured with the curse of it.

Outside of the themes of being an outsider due to her extraordinary circumstances, ostracism in her music isn’t just directly related to fame. I’ve noticed a lot of fear, anxiety, and worry in lyrics that could be attributed to all different types of circumstances and situations. Sometimes, said fear and anxiety extend to what people would say about the narrator’s (Taylor) own relationships. Furthermore, it can also be attributed to unique experiences and mental health issues. Some may be on a smaller scale, sure, but the stakes are still bright red regardless, so I have found it my mission to study the shades of it.

Now why, you make ask?

Because I — within the confines of self-inflicted desire and torture — have found myself in a situation in which I, too, could be judged and ridiculed for the relationship I have intertwined myself in. Is it a preferable dance? No. Is it the most logical and levelheaded path? No. Do I still desire it? Yes. Do I still wish to tread the line between the flame and my finger? Yes. It’s very treacherous.

Cruel Summer

Cruel Summer details a relationship that begins as casual, non-committed and non-conventional. The narrator finds themselves, through the breathy vocals and hurried diction, in complete desperation recounting the memories of the uncertainty of the relationship. Unlike other songs, the connection in this song is forbidden not by society, but by the narrator and by extension the subject. The song starts with a description of the subject and the narrator’s anxious thoughts, then quickly spirals into an oration on how debilitating the casual relationship is.

Devils roll the dice, angels their eyes

This is one of my top favorite lyrics of all time because the narrator utilizes the imagery of a literal devil and angel on their shoulders. As the devils (deep selfish desires, impulsive thoughts) play a risk, the angels (the more stable, mature, and logical voices) can’t help but show their frustration at them. This is absolutely how we feel when we want something so badly that we just instantly run into the rabbit hole of it all instead of listening to our better judgement. This is the epitome of running head first into a situationship with someone so enticing and desirable.

It’s cool, that’s what I tell ‘em, no rules in breakable heaven

The religious motifs continue in the chorus. The narrator had devils and angels on their shoulders while in a ‘breakable heaven’ with the subject. There being ‘no rules’ in heaven is oxymoronic and contradictory, yet the narrator convinces themselves that they are in a sanctuary of some sort. This is the perfect description of someone forcing themselves to believe things they know deep down do not align with their reality.

It’s a cruel summer with you

Summer could be described as heaven — sunshine, dreamy, warm, beautiful. The narrator once again paints a contrast between what is socially accepted as a sanctuary and something negative.

Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine, I’m not dying

Another favorite lyric of mine. It’s not too on the nose nor is it obnoxiously loud. The subject is seemingly doing something innocuous and minuscule such as simply acquiring some snacks from a vending machine while the subject convinces themselves they are not emotionally aching to have their feelings heard. This is a perfect picture of an instance in which one may just be looking at their person doing something completely benign and then zoning out into anxious territory. I have seen the interpretation that vending machines are most common in motels and hotels, which is where illicit affairs often take place.

Summer’s a knife, I’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

Paradoxically, the subject seems to be written as a representation of summer rather than just an external body in it. If they’re a knife and cut to the bone of the narrator, it’s plausible ‘summer’ is a stand-in for the subject’s stance and place in the relationship. For example, if they’re claiming it is casual, the narrator interprets their aloof position as deeply painful. This is the first time in the song in which the narrator makes it clear the subject is hurting them, whether it be knowingly or not. Unfortunately, I have found myself in a similar situation.

And if I bleed, you’ll be the last to know

The narrator refuses to let their ache known, despite the subject causing them massive pain. (Weird how Taylor just knows how to write about my life in detail..)

Anyway, now let’s move on to the bridge:

I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you

Interestingly, this line could be interpreted as the narrator not just breaking down over their suppressed feelings for the subject, but also the acknowledgement of the relationship being a ‘secret’ externally outside of them.

And I snuck in through the garden gate, every night that summer just to seal my fate

This is one of those lines in which it could be argued that the narrator is either 1) participating in an affair with someone who is partnered 2) hiding a same-sex or non-conventional relationship 3) hiding a relationship that would be considered a scandal, whether it be in the subject’s professional career or not. Sneaking in somewhere is hardly necessary when it comes to flings and casual relationships — unless there are things at stake.

And I scream for whatever is worth, ‘I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’

He looks up grinning like a devil

I’ve seen readers and listeners express confusion towards the ‘grinning like a devil’ line. The bridge plays out like a story and recounting of events, so the subject is grinning after the narrator expresses their true feelings. If they are grinning, it must be because 1) they reciprocate the narrator’s feelings, and feel as if their dramatic outburst was not necessary or that it ‘cleared’ the tension between them 2) are one of the devils who roll the dice as said in previous verses, so the subject itself while an object the narrator desires, is still a risk themselves. They’re still off-limits, or bad news, or must be a prohibited desire, if they’re described as a devil grinning.

What this song means to me

What makes Taylor’s music universal is her talent in grabbing small pieces of touch, feel, and sight and turning them into something we all point to and go, “hey! That’s happened to me!”

When Cruel Summer released in 2019 I attributed it to my on and off situationship at the time. The feelings of anxiety in the track really hit. Honestly? It still hits 7 years later. Except this time the lyrics describe my situation to the T: it’s summer and I’m definitely angsty. Such is life! What I love about Taylor’s style of writing is her love of describing everyday scenes and romanticizing them; I do the exact same thing in my own writing. I promise you that I have indeed noticed the way the light of a certain type of machine reflected on my person’s face..